Happy 21st Xeneb. Wow, turning 21 is a milestone atleast in the western world but in a desi household , it’s just a number. We are not yet ready to consider you an adult. You are still our small girl who would send text/ emails to amma before sending it officially This dependence is what we cherish most , although, it’s rather surprising as to when and how it turned into interdependence. This story of ours that began on a beautiful quiet evening of November 1998 has taken so many twists and turns, ups and downs, tears and giggles and of course dependence that eventually turned into interdependence.
That evening your strong mother felt vulnerable for the first time. All her strength went into that tiny creature - her well being, happiness and health became the priority. How that weakness became her strength was another story that was yet to be unfolded.
So when was it? When in Nursery you were on stage for the first time and Amma couldn’t focus on anything else. As if all other children didn’t exist. That was the moment my heart skipped a beat and I realised , that is the magic of motherhood- stronger than all those disney fairytales.
Or was it when at 10 years of age , you had learned more languages than I could even comprehend and made more friends than I would ever make in my entire life. And oh, when you brought local jargons and dialect to our foreign house in Cairo. You were our guide to a new culture and language.
Or maybe it was all those best conduct awards coupled with those emails, letters from your teachers from south Asia to Africa, Middle East to North America. Some of these are still saved in my inbox and warm my heart time to time
No, wait, it was when your high school teacher congratulated us that if Xeneb is our oldest child then our family is surely blessed.
But even before that it was perhaps when you would wake up smiling as a toddler,making everyone fall in love with you. Let me tell you a secret, even to this day whenever I see a well mannered child I would always ask your baba if it is as well behaved as you so, yes, you are the benchmark here.
Or maybe it was the day when you and I were able to break the taboos of appearance.The shackles of complexion that have entangled eastern women for ages. When we learned together that beauty is relative. This was perhaps the defining moment of our bond. When we could smile politely on people who would tell me “ hayey tum pe nahi gayi, rang kis pe chala gaya”. Is there anything better than having a young beautiful woman who knows how to carry here self confidently much to the pride of her mom.
This was around that time that the dynamics of our bond shifted. We became friends. Amma’s little girl became her literary soulmate, emotional support, my personal stylist ; meme partner It might sound cheesy but even if the whole world doubts me, all I want is my daughter by my side.
Xeneb, meri jaan, you are at the prime of your age. You have so many desires, dreams and goals but your aging mother has only one wish for you- happiness and well being. Never compromise on that. Yes, I know at times one has to be competitive to achieve certain goals and there is no harm in it. But always remind yourself that self contentment is the ultimate destination because, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”.
And finally remember your mom’s mantra:
-Less is more.
-ordinary is beautiful
-Little moments are not little.
I
